to be or not to be ...

An interesting comment from a friend sparked off this line of thought about god. Should you assume that there is God if you want to seek ? Or should you start by assuming that God doesn't exist. The latter might sound weird, as you can't find what you think doesn't exist. On thinking further though, the advantages are evident. You are not bound to a religion, not bound to what god can or cannot do, god's form, duality and non-duality...Everything can be thrown out of the window. Tricky.. tricky. What if God is just chaos ?

Why not ??...omni-present, within and without us, mystical, impossible to model or predict, making things even in the long run, something to which one can easily surrender and something that can be both the cause and the affect. Everything fits with chaos, think about it, the Gods have always manifested attributes in us or nature that significantly influence us, shape each moment of our life. God of health, rain, anger, fire, compassion, wind, austerity, light, within, without, within, without. Each chaotic and unpredictable on its own. Even down to trinity, the creator, preservor or destroyer for hindus...when does the creation, preservation or destruction happen... randomness prevails.

What !! I feel depressed now, I'd started from the other side with a God within and around me and just striving to realise it. The earlier thoughts could just be drivel from my limited capacities of observation, but i'm sure it makes some sense. Also, the next logical progression from realising heaven and hell are but in one's mind. There can't be room for a seperate muslim hell, hindu hell, christian and buddhist hells in the universe ... go on pelt me with stones and smelly stuff, but it's a point to think about.

The idea of samadhi or deep contemplation leading to the realisation of oneness stands this hail of doubts though. Even though my feeble attempts to combat the attacks of emotions, memories, desires and ego during meditation leave me far behind in the league contemplators and helpless most of the time. But then... there is hope, most enlightened masters who are somebody somewhere have said that human birth is exalted and is ideal for self-realisation.